Fionnuala Kennedy
Head, Wimbledon High School
The world is – quite literally – burning. And, when the world is on fire, with warfare raging on multiple fronts and millions impacted by conflict and aggression, it can feel reductive, ignorant even to talk about what we may consider to be luxuries within the wider context. When lives are at risk on a daily basis, the need to speak out against less imminently life-threatening human issues is rendered perhaps less urgent, or even a little tone-deaf.
And yet here I am, at my desk, writing not about deadly conflicts negotiated between significant powers, but about the on-going and growing conflict between the progress that has been made by and for women and girls, and the backlash against that progress by a militant and commercialised group of ‘influencers’. This has been explored in a number of ways of late, most prominently in the excellent drama series ‘Adolescence’ as well as more recently in the (perhaps slightly less excellent) Louis Theroux documentary ‘Inside the Manosphere’. And so it feels topical and timely to consider how we have got here and what we as educators and parents might do about it, alongside our young people; but it also feels vitally important against other, even starker backdrops, such as the Epstein revelations and the legal case of Gisele Pelicot, to name just two. It seems that, increasingly, power, money and status are being gathered by people who see women as disposable, as lesser, as carapaces to serve their own purpose, often with life-changing and even fatal consequences; and we cannot afford to sit by and say nothing.
It’s also the case that we cannot afford, as educators or as parents, to demonise boys and men whilst highlighting the dangers for girls and women. Watching the Theroux documentary reminded us that it is boys and young men who are most drawn to these online figures of hatred and misogyny, because they feel lost, dispossessed and confused about their roles in society, and their own sense of worth. The monetisation of the loneliness of boys and men was what struck me as one of the most cynical and frightening aspects of these internet figures: the repeated requirement for ‘rage bait’ meant even these supposed leaders were propounding extremist views they themselves did not believe in or live by, in order to maximise their views and thus their revenue. We have known for some time that the internet has led to polarisation of the expression of beliefs – and thus the creation of our Civil Discourse programme here at WHS – but what we are seeing now is a ruthless commercialisation of that polarisation; and so the extremism ever increases, and vulnerable young people are exposed to terrifyingly black and white material, at just the time that they are at their most impressionable. This must also be true for the young women who are drawn into the manosphere, feeding into their own sense of being demeaned with complicit willingness. And this is the serious danger of social media: without the balance of in-person debate, mediated fora of different opinions and the opportunity to hear from others who respectfully disagree, the synapses of a young person will form and mould around these extreme ideas – and, as we see in ‘Adolescence’, thinking can lead to action, and then the tragedy truly unfolds.
But it’s not just young people and the internet where we see this pernicious mode of thinking: the reaction to the Epstein files by our own top politicians, leading journalists and what we might consider to be middle-aged versions of ‘influencers’ via podcasters and so on, has often been to focus on the political fall-out, the dangers to Starmer’s leadership, and the impact on the monarchy. Where is the voice of the victim – of the many victims – in all of this, and why do we seem to accept so easily that with dominant male power comes ramifications for young women? It takes someone extraordinarily brave, like the incredible Gisele Pelicot, to speak out for women: but it shouldn’t, it shouldn’t take a victim of such horrific violence and abuse to take a stand. I am sure all who have read her moving autobiography are immensely proud of her for her courage; and I do wonder if I’d be brave enough to do the same; but where are the other voices of allyship and loud support leading the way on these issues?
Which leads us back of course to the opening point: is it any coincidence that many of the leaders involved in these conflicts would themselves be very comfortable within the realms of the manosphere, and indeed appear in the Epstein files? And that the grandstanding coming from the United States in particular is often expressed in the reductive realm of social media? I would argue not, and that the open expressions of misogyny and aggression which we have come to see as both expected and – scarily – ‘normal’ from the leader of the free world have opened the floodgates for these influencers to express more and more extreme notions. Leadership sets the standard, and culture trickles down. This we know for certain.
So what can we do? Well, we can lean hard into a world where both men and women value and prize love, empathy and respect; where we are open with our children about our expectations of their behaviour in person and online; where any and all expressions of hatred are called out; where we role-model being allies and not bystanders; where we keep lines of communication open with our young people so they can come to us if they have made a mistake or have got themselves into a difficult situation. Most of all, we must stay optimistic about this generation coming through: whilst all of the above feels very frightening indeed, we know that with great education and empathetic, boundaried parenting, these will be the incredible young people who have the power, the talent and the will to change our world for the better. And what a privilege it is to walk alongside them as they do so.